yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
