I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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