just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
