So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
