I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
