I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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