omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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