dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we made out on top of his cat.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
