he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
