At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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