Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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