Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
