I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
