You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
