dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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