im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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