I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't deserve a penis
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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