I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
