Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
