They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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