You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
