Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
