Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
