yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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