I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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