I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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