I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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