You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
