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I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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