My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
