sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
