so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
