I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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