We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
