Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
