Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
