he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
