I faked an abortion last night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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