I'm going to jail i love you
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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