Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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