not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Randomize
