A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Randomize
