Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
