so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
