i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
