R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
