I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
