I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
