Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
