why didn't you poke me back
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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