My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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