What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
